FOMO & FORO vs. a focus on acquiring & experiencing what we truly need

I was recently introduced to the term FOMO (I know, I must have had my head in the sand LOL) and decided that fear of missing out is so close emotionally and in terms of habits to fear of running out (FORO).

Anyone who was raised by a depression era survivor parent knows all about stockpiling to avoid FORO. Excess quantities of food in the pantry and freezer. Saving lots of jars, bags, etc. Buying in quantity especially if the item is on sale or 2 for 1. These habits often got translated and expanded to the next generations and as our homes also expanded in size and/or we started worrying about the likelihood of income loss due to job loss or retirement, we acquired even more.

Instead of acting on the healthier FOMO activities of travel, expanding friendship circles, learning new skills or other ways to avoid the fear of missing out, we may have stocked up on material goods. Even someone like me who hates clutter and tries hard to keep everything organized (its my obsession, sorry) succumbed to stockpiling toiletries, buying the same clothing item in multiples and other things related to FORO.

It was easier not to do when there were 4 of us living in a house half the size of the one now occupied by just 2 of us. As an aside, it is interesting to me that both my sons and DILs live in homes much smaller than ours although they do like their stuff too.

I have been quietly working on breaking the FORO habit. Toothpaste? It is always readily available and really doesn't cost much so 1 in use and one as back up is certainly more than enough. Garbage bags? Put that on the list when the stock gets low (although perhaps I let it get too low this week but recycled grocery bags will fill the gap).

This isn't a storage issue for us but for me it is a mindset issue. I have plenty. More than enough stuff to be honest.

What I need more in my life is not stuff. Rather it is travel, friends, learning and health. A work in progress.

Hmmm, why do we tend to think more is better?

I am in the midst of listening to our CDs to decide which ones to keep and to bring music back into my life. I am finding ones that I hadn't listened to for years that I enjoy. I'm also finding that we have too many in different categories.

Yesterday I listened to 3 Frank Sinatra CDs. I enjoyed 2 of the 3 and found one to be of poor acoustic quality. The question that popped into my mind though was why did we have so many in the first place? Probably one would be enough but I kept the 2 good ones for now.

Today it is the 3 Cuban/Latin CDs. Tomorrow will be the 5 (!) Pancho Sanchez ones. I know why we have so many of those though. We went to an outdoor concert by him 25ish years ago and had a grand time so we loaded up on his music.

I've also been listening to the ones I brought home from the 100s recently donated to the Friends of the Library. Those are easier to make decisions on. If I don't like the first track then it goes back. So far I have only picked 3 to add to our collection and I am waffling on one of those LOL.

For me at least as far as music goes 1 or 2 is better than 3 or more. I am a person who like variety and at this time can't stand to listen to music that isn't uplifting.

I think that often we think more is better when we like the initial item a lot. How many times have you bought more colors of a top or shirt when the one that you really liked was the first one you selected. More wasn't better then either. The same can happen in other areas of our lives. I am trying to notice what I do automatically that doesn't add value for me and this is one of those things.

It's all about me today

Today was planned to be a housecleaning day but that hasn't happened. I decided to take the day to do things just for me. Here's what I ended up doing.

- I finished a book I was reading.
- Went out for coffee and a bagel.
- Took a walk with my once again healthy dog.
- Cut out the sample skirt I am making from a pattern I drafted and started sewing it to check for size.
- Started reading the blog A year of no sugar after reading a review of her new book of the same name which is on my library request list now.

That is it so far. Just enough. Happy Day.

Resisting the buying urge while running errands

Yesterday I left the house to do three things: ship a book I had sold, buy mouthwash and pick up a prescription. I succeeded in only spending money on those three things but not without giving myself a couple of lectures!

First stop was the post office. Right next door to my favorite coffee shop where had I stopped for a while the day before! Love their coffee and pastries. Perhaps just grab a non-fat latte? Nonononono!

Then to the drugstore. Look, kleenex is on sale! We have 3 extra boxes at home and I am committed to not stockpiling so - nonononono! But the laundry detergent I use is on sale! Oh yeah, I have 2 1/2 containers of it sitting at home and it takes us about 3 months to go through one. No again.

I made it home with nothing extra but it would have been so easy to mindlessly add more food and spending on stockpiling to my morning.

Tough stuff this self-control LOL!

Me and my "stuff" (or how I want to deal with possessions, lifestyle and happiness)

I have realized that my goal is "lagom" the Swedish concept that can be translated as "the right amount" and defines the relaxed minimalism described by miss minimalist in this post. This is one gigantic goal!

So no hoarding or stockpiling, no extreme limits on the number of possessions, always considering the impact personally and globally of deciding if and what to purchase, and defining carefully what is "enough" to bring happiness without being burdensome. It is a big goal because it requires really being aware of who I am and what I truly want right now and continuing to do that as time goes on. A very conscious mindset all the time is required I think although perhaps it will become a habit.

Contentment. Fun rather than chores. True enjoyment of food and objects that are bought. Assessing the current usefulness of "tools" presently owned. By tools I mean all material objects.

Shopping secondhand first.  Refining (curating?) the collection of items acquired during the first 64 1/2 years of my life. Experiences and people over things - hence our large travel budget. Knowing that gifts don't have to be kept. .

And it means for me living with desires for acquisition for a while before buying. Not responding to those "I want ...." thoughts for at least a week. Good thing I love making lists!

Currently I have a home maintenance purchase list that looks like this:

Plant fertilizer
Compost?
3 clothes hooks
2 fluorescent tubes
Shower door bottom strip replacement

I've been waiting for the discounted Home Depot gift card I purchased through the online resale market to arrive before going shopping and my list kept changing while I waited. I found some plant fertilizer stored away. I need to see if there is something lurking in the shed that I can use instead of buying compost. I found out the light fixture by the washing machine in the basement is the problem not the light tubes and eventually the lights come on. If I had rushed to the store when each item popped into my head I would have even more things I don't need stored in the basement and shed.

I also have a secondhand store shopping list. I bought 3 things on my list earlier this week when I went to my favorite thrift store that raises money for animal rescue groups. I also dropped off some things for them to sell. I have realized since that trip that I really don't need or even want some of the things on my list. So I will end with this:

“Buy less. Choose well.” – Vivienne Westwood