We are heading off soon to visit my 91 year old Mom. Although I talk to her at least once a week, I only see her in person 2 or 3 times a year. My brother and sister-in-law live nearby and do the ongoing support and do it very well. I have been contemplating how I can help ease the load on their shoulders knowing that some of it is very real and needed and some may be self-imposed.
I'm sure there are others reading this who face the same dillema. Any suggestions?
I would simply ask them what you can offer from a distance... Whether its helping with $$, hiring someone nearby to help, etc...
ReplyDeleteGood suggestion. Its been a while since I've asked. I should have mentioned that my Mom can fortunately afford to hire whatever help is needed and does so.
DeleteI second Carla's suggestion -- that's what my family did when my parents needed some assistance. My one sister (and her husband) lived nearby and took on a lot of their care; but my other sister and I arranged to pay for some extra cleaning and cooking help, and later some visiting nurses. Made my folks more comfortable and took some of the burden off my sister (who still, god bless her, did most of the heavy lifting).
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your experience Tom.
DeleteGiftcards to restaurants or takeout places and/or a housekeeper for your siblings who do the day to day support. I'm sure a little self-care to keep them going would do the whole family good!
ReplyDeleteSelf care is a great idea. Part of the challenge is that they want her to do things she doesn't want to do and since she is fully competent it is her choice. Hard to know who to try to influence to change their mind when I'm not seeing the situation in person.
DeleteGreat suggestions frmo the others. How about a nice bunch of flowers delivered or just a thank you card now and then. Having someone to share in the mental burden by letting them talk it out is really helpful
ReplyDeleteThanks Debby. I do think it is a mental/emotional burden not a physical or financial one at this time. I will talk to my brother more and see if that is helpful to him.
Delete