Wednesday, November 7, 2018

Getting through the week after a death

We are at peace with my FIL's death but exhausted. Here is how the week is shaping up.

- I cancelled all my meetings. Should have kept going to yoga but I am very tired. The time change has not sunk in for the dog and I'm falling asleep way too early as I am so tired. I woke up this morning to find the dog sitting up just staring at me waiting for signs of wakefulness. It was 3:30am. You can really see the stars at that hour lol.

- I processed my clothing and shoe orders that were sitting around. Now have 2 new pairs of loafers for cooler weather and a lovely green cotton sweater. Other items returned.

- On Monday while DH and BIL met with the mortuary and rabbi, I cleaned out my FIL's unit in terms of kitchen/frig, bathroom, leftover medical supplies and finding the rest of paperwork. Gave medical supplies to med techs at assisted living facility, some supplies to Hubby's great aunt who also lives there, and brought 2 large bags of books home which have now been donated to the library. Mostly I just threw stuff away and ignored my preference to recycle containers, etc.

- Helped text and call re: time and location of funeral. Got dog sitter to at least come by to walk dog on day of funeral. Perhaps stay a while too depending on her schedule. Did a little grocery shopping so we could have healthier meals at home.

- Trying to find new homes for furniture as we have until the end of the month to vacate his unit. Since we will be out of town 5 days for granddaughter's 2nd birthday and then there is Thanksgiving it will be a tight timeline. Trying to avoid putting into storage items that will be given away. One day soon we need to pack up all his clothes, linens and so on for donation and bring all the family photos home.

- Our younger son and DIL will be staying with us the night after the funeral (Yeah!). The house is quite dusty, etc. so cleaning, more grocery shopping and laundry are today and tomorrow for me. If it was just us I would wait and clean after the funeral.

- DH has started dealing with the financial details. Thankfully there is a trust that automatically goes to him and my BIL. Still a lot of paperwork as I recall from my Mom's death where there was also a trust involved that went to my brother and me. DH is also fielding the upset family member calls and condolence calls. Hard on him is an understatement.

- I ordered not only a pre-cooked turkey but most of the rest of the meal for Thanksgiving from Whole Foods. Less stress is good.

- If I need stress relief there are always those 150 paper airplanes to fold as my contribution to decorating for Granddaughter's 2nd birthday party. She sees or hears airplanes before anyone else and points them out avidly so female aviator is the party theme.

I know all of this is just a small burden compared with what many experience after a loved one dies. The hard balance is getting everything done, holding loved ones close, taking care of your own well being and mourning at the same time.

Hugs to all who have gone through this before or are preparing to deal with it soon.


  1. My father in law died last February at age ninety, after a good life. A death is a death, and all the little chores surrounding said death, while distracting for some can be exhausting for others.

    1. Agreed! We are quite tired but happy we have things to look forward to.

  2. Such a difficult time. I admire how organized you are. Seems like you have thought of how to handle everything. Hope you can sell or give away the furniture so that you don't have to store it somewhere in the meantime. Hope the funeral goes well and that you can enjoy some time with friends and family. Thinking of you, dear one!

    1. Thank you Leslie. We have done this before unfortunately as he was the last of our parents. Details to attend to are coming back as we start down the path.

  3. What boggling layers of busyness! I hope you have some time to enjoy the company of everyone who visits for the funeral. I'm happy you have other things to look forward to as well.

    -Dar @ anexactinglife

    1. Thank you. If I wasn't retired it would be boggling for sure.

  4. Juhli, it sounds like you and your DH and BIL are juggling much right now. You mentioned that you processed your FIL's personal possessions. I believe when we do that for another person, it brings many thoughts and questions to us about our own mortality. Not easy, but valuable experiences. So glad you have your sons, DILs and grandchild. Family is priceless. May you and your family know God's comfort during the tough days ahead.


Thriving Thursday Week 8

  A bit of excitement 2 houses up the street as the wind took down a large tree. I was on the other side walking the pup when it made a loud...